I’ve been thinking about Shakespeare’s play Hamlet (Leaving Certificate 1976 for me!). One quote that has always stuck with me is, “Nothing is good or bad, thinking makes it so.” Shakespeare knew a long time ago that our thinking can be a problem.
I’m not talking about evaluating, reflecting, or analysing like an expert. I mean our everyday thoughts—the ones that are repetitive and patterned. We have around 70,000 thoughts each day, and most of them are the same as the day before. These thoughts often have little to do with what’s happening right now. They just keep repeating in our subconscious.
Some thoughts are harmless, but they can still keep us from being present in the moment. Others can do real damage, especially the deep-down ones we’re not always aware of. These hidden thoughts often surface when we’re in conflict or need to make a big decision. They’re the ones that whisper, “No, you can’t” or “Keep your head down.” These thoughts shape who we think we are.
These deep thoughts don’t change. They’re the same as when we first learned them in childhood. Our minds adapt current situations to fit these old thoughts, which means we never see reality as it is. More importantly, we never fully understand who we are or what we could achieve if we stopped listening to these deep thoughts.
These deep thoughts form our personality —who we think we are. We learned them when we were too young to filter out harmful stuff. While we can’t undo early learning, we can choose to stop paying attention to it. When we do that, everything changes.
We’re creatures of habit. We act and react in patterns. Decide today to break those patterns that aren’t working for you. Make different choices. When you get caught up in a conflict (and you know you will!) choose some different behaviours to the ones you (ab)normally use like
- Perspective Taking – try to understand how things look from the other person’s perspective
- Creating Solutions – brainstorm with the other person to create solutions
- Expressing Emotions – openly and honestly express your thoughts and feelings
- Reaching Out – make the first move to get communication started again
Maybe the only thing stopping you from making these choices is what you’re thinking about…
